My Fertility Journey
Recently a friend said to me, “why don’t you ever talk about your infertility story?”. She had a point—I help so many women who are trying to get pregnant. The answer? I don’t like labels.
The word “infertility” sounds so dark and hopeless to me. The truth is, I was never hopeless. And I’m never hopeless for my patients. Yes, I struggled with fertility. And yes, it was frustrating. But I shifted that, and you can too.
How It All Began
Who knows when the beginning truly was? It could be at puberty. Or when I became a vegetarian at age 8—without any nutritional guidance. It’s all connected, right? But since this isn’t a novel (yet) I’ll start at age 17 and fast forward.
At age 17 I had lost 15 pounds. With that, I also lost my period. I wasn’t underweight, but the drastic fluctuation did something to my body and I stopped getting my period regularly. After not getting my period for four months, I went to the gynecologist and she recommended I go on the birth control pill to get my period back. I wasn’t sexually active and I wasn’t a real fan of my period anyway, so I ignored her. No period, who cares?!
For the next 2 years, I only got my period every 4-6 months. Honestly, it felt like a dream! When I went back to the gynecologist at 19 though, she disagreed. She lectured me on how it was dangerous to not get my period because it put me at risk for osteoporosis (true) and that I HAD to go on birth control (not true). At the time, I didn’t know any better. Plus I was scared because a medical professional was telling me my bones would break if I didn’t go on birth control. So, I went on the pill—and stayed on it for the next 11 years.
Attempting To Get Pregnant
Fast forward 11 years. I turned 30, I was married and I was ready to start a family. So I thought, I’ll just go off my birth control. Simple right? Months went by and I didn’t get my period.
What once felt like a dream, was turning into a nightmare. You can’t get pregnant without your period, or at least without ovulating.
Although I had become somewhat disillusioned by the medical world, I went to see an endocrinologist to see if anything was physically wrong with me. Lab tests showed that my estrogen levels were slightly low. The endocrinologist was a lovely woman, but do you want to know what her solution was for me having low estrogen AND trying to get pregnant? Go on birth control.
Want to know what her solution was for me having low estrogen AND trying to get pregnant? Go on birth control. I said “No thank you” and walked out. It was then I knew I had to figure it out myself.
Food & Fitness Changes For Fertility
And that’s exactly what I did. I was finishing up acupuncture school at the time, so I was fortunate to have some resources to turn to. One of my colleagues recommended an acupuncturist who specialized in fertility, so I went to her.
She was wonderful. I felt truly listened to and heard. I did everything she recommended:
I came in regularly for acupuncture
I took the herbal formulas she prescribed
I tracked my basal body temperature (BBT) and took ovulation tests *just in case* I was ovulating (I wasn’t)
I tried to help increase my body’s “Blood” and “Qi”
What does that mean? Well, I learned that I had a lot of coldness in my body, which is defined as a yang deficiency in Chinese Medicine. I also learned that overall my body needed more “Blood” and Qi (energy).
Blood is not defined the same in Chinese Medicine as it is in Western Medicine, although it does have similar properties. Blood warms your body, provides energy, and nourishes the body. You don’t need to be anemic to be Blood deficient. The best way to increase and nourish Blood is through acupuncture, diet, and lifestyle. So I focused on that.
The point is, I did all of the things. I even took a look at my lifestyle to see where I could make changes. I had just run my first marathon (in Paris!) and was working part-time as a personal trainer. Although I loved working out hard, from my training I knew my exercise routine was not helping.
The thing is, while exercise is great, to grow another human you need a lot of Qi (loosely defined as “energy”). Exercising takes a lot of energy (qi) out of you and I didn’t have enough Qi to be wasting on running marathons AND growing a baby. So I slowly trickled down my exercise until walking and light yoga were all that was left.
That part was really hard. You see, exercise had become a part of who I was. I had grown up believing that “more was more”. Suddenly I had to move into a “less is more” mentality. My body wanted to move, my mind wanted my body to move. I craved the sweat and endorphins of a good workout.
But more than all of that, I wanted a baby. So I told my body and mind to chill out. I turned to meditation to calm my mind and found other ways to move energy, like walking. Most of all though, I just reminded myself that it would all be worth it. Spoiler alert: It was.
Next, I worked on my weight. According to the medical community, I was underweight. My acupuncturist tried lightly advising me maybe I should try to gain weight. So I did. That was also hard.
I had grown up with bad eating habits, constantly trying to lose weight in all the wrong ways. I had finally got to a place where I didn’t have to struggle for it. I was what most would consider “skinny”, and honestly, it felt good. But was my weight holding me back from my goal of having a child? I didn’t want to wait 2 years to find out. Because of my specific body type, it was harder than expected to gain weight. (I know, I know, poor me, I can’t gain weight!) First I tried just eating more “healthy” foods. When that didn’t work, I just ate whatever I wanted.
I indulged in pastries and I didn’t feel bad about it. I ate a burger and fries when I wanted to and didn’t feel bad about it. That part was liberating, but I still didn’t feel good in my body.
So I tried eating a lot of other things that help with fertility according to Chinese Medicine:
I ate more “blood-building” foods (meat, spinach, bone broth)
I ate more meat—even though I wasn’t much of a meat-eater (I have since learned how to build blood without meat—and I help my patients to do so too!)
I gave up coffee because it depletes your Kidney energy which is vital to fertility
I ate only warm foods and beverages because warm foods are easier to digest and take less Qi to digest. I also knew that the uterus thrives in a warm environment and keeping my insides warm was important.
I also tried:
Reiki and other forms of energy work
Mayan abdominal massage
Practicing Tai Chi
Keeping my belly, back, and feet warm because in Chinese Medicine these are all important places to protect our Kidney energy, which houses the essence of reproduction
While this all felt amazing, after a year I still didn’t have my period back. I was so frustrated. I was heavier, my diet was better, I had given up something I loved — exercise — and I felt like I had gotten nowhere. It didn’t make sense! I felt so defeated.
The Missing Piece
So I turned inward. I realized, over the past year, all my energy was focused on trying to heal my body, but none of it was focused on just being happy. Somehow it came to me that that a baby, a soul, wouldn’t come to me until I was ready. Meaning, I was happy with myself, in my body.
I had made all these changes to my body, but I wasn’t happy about it, I just did it because I knew I “had” to do it. So I sat and I thought about what lights me up. What was a thing, or a time in my life where I felt light and joyful? It came to me: dancing.
I grew up dancing ballet and dancing always just made me feel like me. So I went out and got new ballet slippers and I bought a dance pass to Broadway Dance Center. I got over my internal fear and embarrassment of going to a ballet class as an adult after not having danced for a decade and I went to a ballet class. I LOVED it.
Everything was harder than it used to be, but my muscle memory was still there and it lit me up. I was finishing up my Masters in Acupuncture and Chinese Medicine at the time and was studying for my board exams because I wanted to take them early, but I still made time.
The Day My Period Came Back
About a month later, I got my period for the first time in 18 MONTHS!! I was ecstatic! Finally, I was getting somewhere. My next period didn’t come for another 45 days, though, which is long and not ideal for getting pregnant.
As an acupuncturist, to help someone conceive, the goal is to regulate their period. Even the slightest abnormality can make conception hard – for example, having a cycle that is 26 days long instead of 28, cramping, or an extra long cycle like I had.
I was a little bummed, but still, I knew I was moving in the right direction. My next period came a little sooner, like 37 days. I was then on my 3rd cycle since getting my period back and somehow I just knew my baby was on its way to me.
When You Know, You Know
I remember walking around SoHo a couple of weeks before I conceived and a psychic stopped me on the street and said, “You have good news coming to you soon.” I just smiled and said, “I know, thank you.” I don’t know how I knew, but I just knew it was my time. My next period would have come on a 35-day cycle, but it never came. Instead, I got my son, Ethan. It took 1.5 years to get my period back and 3 cycles of trying to conceive to get my baby and all of it was worth it.
What I Learned Along The Way
In retrospect, I did some things wrong, but that was my journey. Since going through my own fertility struggles and having a child, I had evolved so much as a person and a practitioner that by the time I was ready for a second child, I got pregnant right away.
Building Blood and Qi was more important than gaining weight. And that sometimes gaining weight is a byproduct of building Blood & Qi.
I didn’t have to try so hard. I put so much mental energy and stress into trying to get pregnant. The body doesn’t make babies in a stressed-out state! I needed to push less and just allow things to happen more freely.
What you eat and how you eat does matter, but that can fit many different molds.
I didn’t need to stop exercising (the thing I LOVED!) as drastically as I did. What I needed was to listen to my body and understand which exercise drains me vs. energizes me.
Being aligned with myself and my happiness was probably more important than everything else I did. I wrote more on that here.
Even when things don’t seem perfect, you can still get pregnant.
Having help and support from someone who understood what I was going through was so important
I want you to know you’re not alone. If you’re trying to conceive and it doesn’t work out right away, I’ve been there.
And I want you to know this:
You don’t have to feel helpless
You don’t have to feel like there’s nowhere to turn
It’s ok to your doctor or fertility specialist
It’s ok to keep searching for answers
There’s always another way.
I’ve done the work, and the research, and I have been the guinea pig so that you don’t have to feel lost.
Even if you’re not trying to conceive, I hope you learned that you can take your health into your OWN hands. You can question your doctor/acupuncturist/anyone. If what one person tells you doesn’t feel right?
There’s always another way.
