How People Pleasing Could Be Affecting Your Fertility (and What to Do About It)

If you’ve been on a fertility journey and feel like you’re doing everything right—tracking your cycle, eating well, staying active—but still not getting the results you hoped for, it might be time to look somewhere unexpected: your people pleasing habits.

Yes, really.

As a fertility expert and Chinese medicine practitioner, I’ve seen firsthand how unprocessed emotional patterns like people pleasing can directly affect a woman’s ability to conceive. Here’s how—and what you can do to shift it.

First—What Is People Pleasing?

You might be a people pleaser if:

• You have trouble saying no

• You fear conflict or confrontation

• You constantly seek validation

• You over-apologize

• You feel responsible for other people’s emotions

• You struggle to set or maintain boundaries

• You can’t accept compliments easily

• You rarely ask for help

If any of this sounds like you, you’re not alone. These behaviors are often learned early in life—and while they might make you a generous, caring person, they can also silently drain your energy and your fertility.

Why People Pleasing Affects Fertility

1. You’re Burning Through Your Resources

Growing another human requires a tremendous amount of physical and energetic resources. In Chinese medicine, those include:

• Blood – to support your cycle and build a uterine lining

• Yin – your hormones and fluids

• Chi (Qi) – life force and energy

• Yang – heat and movement, especially after ovulation

When you’re constantly putting others before yourself—emotionally, physically, or energetically—you’re depleting these reserves without taking time to rebuild them.

2. Inadequate Self-Care

True self-care isn’t about bubble baths or spa days (though those are nice). It’s about rest. Stillness. Saying no to things that don’t serve you and yes to things that nourish you.

If you’re always saying yes to others, you’re probably saying no to yourself—no to rest, no to reflection, no to healing practices that build your fertility foundation.

3. Chronic Stress = Hormonal Imbalance

People pleasing often leads to ongoing stress. And when you’re constantly in a “fight or flight” state, your body prioritizes survival over reproduction.

Here’s the science:
Stress hormones (like cortisol) and sex hormones (like estrogen and progesterone) are produced from the same source. The more your body uses to manage stress, the fewer resources it has to regulate your cycle, ovulate, or maintain a pregnancy.

The Energetic Root: Worthiness

At the core of people pleasing is a belief: “I’m not worthy unless I’m helping, doing, or performing.”

Even if you’re confident in some areas of your life, this feeling can still live deep in your subconscious—especially if:

• You grew up in a home where love had to be earned

• You experienced emotional neglect or criticism

• You had to constantly "prove" your value through achievement

• You were bullied or made to feel invisible

• You learned early that your needs didn’t matter

In Chinese medicine, this pattern affects the Yin Qiao Mai channel—responsible for self-worth, structure, and our ability to stand tall (emotionally and physically). When it’s out of balance, your body struggles to produce blood—the very thing needed for a healthy menstrual cycle and pregnancy.

How to Stop People Pleasing and Support Your Fertility

Here’s how you can begin shifting the pattern—starting today:

1. Start Tuning Into Your Needs

Before you say yes or no to anything, pause. Ask yourself: “Does this feel good to me?” Try placing your hand on your heart and belly, taking a deep breath, and listening to your body’s response.

2. Practice Saying No (Without Apology)

Saying no doesn’t make you selfish. It makes you self-honoring. When you say no to things that drain you, you say yes to healing, rest, and fertility.

3. Set Clear, Loving Boundaries

Boundaries are a form of self-respect. They don’t have to be harsh or cold. You can set boundaries with warmth, clarity, and love—and still honor your needs.

Recommended reading:

• Set Boundaries, Find Peace by Nedra Glover Tawwab

• The Let Them Theory by Mel Robbins

4. Rebuild Your Self-Worth

Understand that your needs, energy, and dreams matter. Always.
Fertility isn’t just about biology—it’s about belief. And when you start believing you’re worthy of rest, care, and support, your body follows suit.

5. Heal the Root With Chinese Medicine

Energetic imbalances—especially in channels like Yin Qiao Mai or Chong Mai (Sea of Blood)—can hold trauma and beliefs deep in your constitution. Through acupuncture, breathwork, or energetic practices, we can begin to clear those blocks and rebuild your body’s ability to nourish and create.

You Can Be Kind and Still Choose Yourself

Putting others first isn’t inherently bad. It makes you empathetic, thoughtful, loving. But you can’t pour from an empty cup. If your energy is always going outward, there’s nothing left for the beautiful, life-giving process of fertility.

Rebuilding your self-worth and nourishing your body is the ultimate act of love—not just for yourself, but for the future family you’re calling in.

Ready to Reclaim Your Energy?

If you're ready to shift the people-pleasing patterns and finally feel aligned in your fertility journey, I’d love to support you.